How to Tell if Someone Is Your Soulmate 

Figuring out if someone is your soulmate requires a lot of work on your part, and most of it has nothing to do with the person you are wondering about.  

The biggest misconception about soulmates is that you have only one.  

Nonsense.  

My children are my soulmates, my siblings are my soulmates, my mother and I are soulmates, I even have close, lifelong friends who are soulmates.  

You will have many, many soulmates in your life, and yes, there are ways to tell if they are soulmates or not.  

But when it comes to the big, heart opening, life altering, earth shattering soulmate, the one you will spend the rest of your life loving, in sickness and in health, til death does not even part you, that is a whole other conversation, and one worth having.  

And yes, you can figure that out, too.  

But first, the work.  

Personal Development Work Always Comes First 

If you do not know yourself intimately, closely, without blinders or blocks of shame, you cannot know anyone else.  

And if you cannot know someone, you cannot possibly know if they are your soulmate.  

You are actually much less likely to find your soulmate if you don’t know yourself and cannot know others.  

Because to know you, to really, really know you, is to love you.  

And same goes with your soulmate.  

So, how to get to know yourself?  

You will need to take a series of steps and commit to continuing those steps for the rest of your life, so that you can remain clear on who you are, where you are in life, and whether you are meeting your soulmate.  

This knowledge of self and self-awareness is what we call wisdom, and it is in rather short supply these days.  

Detach 

The first and most important step in self-development is to detach. Detach from yourself, detach from outcomes, and definitely detach from others.  

You came here to have a human experience, and you knew before you did that you would be born, you would struggle, and you would die.  

The goal, then, all along, is to find the joy among all of that.  

The human drive, beyond survival, is to feel better.  

Everything we do, we do because we think it will make us feel better.  

When you recognize that, when you can step back and witness yourself reaching for a better feeling, you can gently detach from it.  

You can see yourself not as the human reaching, but as the spirit having a human experience. 

Detachment is the primary key to happiness because when we can stop needing to feel better, lo and behold we can feel better.  

When we stop reaching and demanding, we get everything we want.  

Once you detach from your human experience the first time, you achieve freedom.  

You can do find this detached space best through meditation.  

Sit for 20 minutes in the morning, before you do anything else, and quiet your thoughts.  

I like to perform a full body scan, from my crown to my toes, and check in with myself, clearing my energy and cleansing my chakras.  

When you have completed your scan, sink into your higher consciousness. Try to go behind your thoughts, outside of your thoughts, realizing that you are not your thoughts.  

You are not your body.  

You are not your actions.  

You are the Universe experiencing it all in this temporary human vessel.  

You will feel electrified the first time you connect to your higher self, and nothing else will matter so much as it did before.  

Suddenly, all of our little human trivialities, even life and death, seem at once profound and fleeting.  

You can stop taking it all so seriously.  

Observe Lovingly 

From this detached place, then, you can begin to observe yourself and others with love.  

When you understand that the Universe loves us all unconditionally, that nothing is good or bad except that our thinking makes it so, then you can begin to share in and take part in that love.  

You can give it and you can receive it, without judgement.  

Loving observation means you can see clearly who people are, what their actions say about where they are in their human experience, and you can see this in yourself as well.  

Yourself is where your attention should be for the bulk of your life.  

Know thyself.  

Understand yourself, recognize your motivations, your triggers, and your shadow.  

Shadow Work 

As you witness yourself and become more self-aware, you can begin to do the work to repair your damaged parts, to heal yourself, and to do the ever important shadow work.  

Shadow work allows you to integrate the parts of you that have been traumatized and that have traumatized others.  

Shadow work allows you to enter a state of ongoing alignment with a vibration that is so high that when negativity and chaos to strike your life, and they will, you can recognize your triggers, work with them peacefully, and step back into alignment all before anyone even realizes you were triggered.  

And why does negativity strike?  

Because we live in a world of contrast.  

Contrast, in the form of negativity, ensures we see what we don’t want so that we know what we do want.  

Self-Love 

And finally, last but not least, you must be on a continuous journey of self-love.  

When you love yourself, you do not mistake lovesickness for real love.  

You do not mistake an abuser for a soulmate.  

You do not try to force relationships that were never meant to be. 

And you certainly do not sit pining over a lost “love” while your true soulmate awaits you.  

Self-love is the key that unlocks everything you ever wanted in your life, and it opens your eyes so you can see it clearly, see the messages from the Universe, and follow the signals from your spirit guides.  

So, if you have not already, start your self-love journey today.  

Sleep well, eat well, move your body, set firm boundaries, cut toxins (environmental, internal, and people), and establish a firm spiritual practice.  

Love yourself every day.  

Love yourself so hard that you teach others how to love you just through modeling.  

Soulmates 

Now, you can easily recognize some of your soulmates simply through energy.  

When you are drawn to someone, when you feel tied to someone, when someone is related to you by both blood and emotion, they are likely a soulmate.  

And when that person responds in kind, they are definitely a soulmate.  

Realize that soulmate does not necessarily spend a lifetime with you.  

Ideally, my children will move up and out at some point.  

My siblings may live across a continent from me.  

I have not seen my best friend in years.  

But these are all clear soulmates for my life.  

A soulmate is someone who you have known since long before this lifetime, in the spirit world and in past lifetimes, and someone you will undoubtedly connect with long after this lifetime has passed.  

You are connected on a spiritual level in a way that even life and death cannot interfere with.  

When one of you dies, you can still feel the person with you, alive in the memories, in their spirit sinking into your own, and even with a light touch, kiss, or hug.  

That is a real soulmate.  

How to Tell if Someone Is Your Soulmate 

Now, when it comes to a romantic soulmate, I like the way Elizabeth Gilbert has put it.  

She says, in a paraphrase of Buddha, that the romantic soulmate is not the one who sets your heart on fire and makes you feel like you cannot breathe.  

Instead, your romantic soulmate is the one who makes you feel calm, at peace, and at ease.  

I knew my husband was my soulmate very early on because he was both my lover and my best friend.  

We could tell each other anything and everything without shame or judgement, and we are both heavily invested in spending this lifetime working side by side for our individual and shared goals.  

Your soulmate loves you no matter what, and yet, you have no desire to test the unconditional nature of their love.  

Indeed, you want to be your best self, you strive to make progress on your goals, and you jump with excitement to move forward.  

A soulmate is your inspiration, your muse, your guide, and your wise counsel.  

And the reason you need to do all the above personal development work is so that you don’t get confused and settle for less, which is what so many of us do, wandering around tied to people we should have let go of so long ago.  

Because you deserve more, you deserve to meet and fall in love with your soulmate.  

The thing is, you really have to meet and fall in love with yourself first.  

Happy manifesting!